apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
