I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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