I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize