so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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