it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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