I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize