Are we in a gay sports bar?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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