Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
