i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
