420 ftw
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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