When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize