There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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