almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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