dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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