Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
