5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
