You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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