Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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