just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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