sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
