Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Floor bacon is actually really good
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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