Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize