I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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