the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i'm inner monologue high
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
