I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
