just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
