probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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