I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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