So drunk its hurt
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
