Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
