I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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