I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
