so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize