I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
