yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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