So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
