well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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