so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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