i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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