When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
