Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
