This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He had one of those small greek statue penises
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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