please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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