the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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