I love black thongs
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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