Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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