i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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