my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
