i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
