just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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