I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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