Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
