Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
