So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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