Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
