we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
