How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
