On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize