yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
