just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
false alarm, still single
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
