I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
smell my finger.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
