some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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