The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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