Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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