Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
