CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
