so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
