bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
