I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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